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Good Friday Fodder: Translating the language of shopping

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In “the great game” of horse racing, there are many aftershocks written into the public annals.

We’re here to help you, ironically, translate what they really mean with some of the euphemisms you hear daily around the track.


TRAINERS

“He likes to do things his way.”

Translation: If he doesn’t lead, your ticket is a confetti.

“She’s quite progressive.”

Translation: Didn’t show us heaps so far so better come in the future.

“We will accept double acceptance.”

Translation: We’re definitely going to Melbourne, but fuck you punters.

“You don’t dodge a race just for a horse.”

Translation: Efforts to sabotage the fav are ongoing.

“The owners are really involved with this horse.”

Translation: I blocked their numbers, emails and social media accounts.

“We need more prizes in young girls.”

Translation: My harvests are all slow icebergs.

JOCKEYS

“He didn’t feel comfortable on this pitch.”

Translation: Hate the wet, hate the dry, despise the synth.

“He is one to watch for the next preparation.”

Translation: There’s a race for him at the Tomingley picnics.

“She probably overdid it last time out.”

Translation: There was nothing left, she ate the fucking thing.

“I think he’s looking a little further.”

Translation: The Jericho Cup is not long enough for him.

“He didn’t really enjoy racing inside horses.”

Translation: He is terrified of other horses. Good luck.

PUNTERS

“I ended the day pretty evenly.”

Translation: How do you spell ‘Maggi’?

“They slapped the cheekbones, do you think that will save him some lengths?”

Translation: What the fuck are cheeks?

“I just need this thing to win for my multi to land.”

Translation: I just need this thing to earn so I can pay the rent.

“Well, he landed in a good place here.”

Translation: I can’t really see right after 10 beers, where is he?

“He’s a good trainer of stayers.”

Translation: Gees this guy has a lot of slow horses.

“Just TAB to retrieve this ticket.”

Translation: See you in one to eight hours.